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Post by AshHavynn on May 16, 2010 19:43:17 GMT -5
In this thread, you may post a one-post short story, just a few paragraphs about your character doing something or talking to someone. No one will be reacting to the posts here, these are just one-shots for the sake of admins beta help. You can post a story about anything--modeling for Aquaberry, acting in the school play, kissing Gary, punching REL in her face. Just remember to try to keep it somewhat short! A few paragraphs is all that is necessary!
And you may post as many one-shots as your heart desires, but please give us time to beta your last post before you post a new one.
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Post by AshHavynn on May 16, 2010 22:27:23 GMT -5
She wondered were was Bif, looking left and right,turning in circles. And Derby's words just wandered on and off in her head. 'Find Bif, I haven't seen him in 4 hours, make sure he's alright.' Me? Why Me? I'm a girl, if he's in a fight I can't guard him...Why does Derby have to be a asshole all the time. She kept saying to herself on and on.
As she put her right hand on her hip she heard a yell. A mocking yell.
''Come on rich boy! Fight!'' She took her hand off her hip and ran down the stairs all the way to the basketball court. She saw Bif fighting Damon. What was she gonna do? Fight him, she can't. He 220 pounds of pure muscle and she's a 137 pounds of...junk food. Although she knew how to fight, she didn't just want to go up to him and hit in upside the head.
She eagerly looked on the floor to find a weapon. The one time she needed one she didn't haven't it. 'Of course now I fucking need one it isn't around!' She thought, she ran up to the white bench on her right and picked up a brick that was underneat it. Turning around she gave it her best shot and thrown it at the tall jacket wearing jock. Unluckily she hit Bif on the head that knocked the poor bastard out. ' Fuck my mother.....O screw this!' She ran up to the jock and kicked him in the nuts, turning him around and kicking his back that made him fall of balance and was on the ground. Now Damon holding his nut sack on the ground Sam woke Bif up with a little tap on his leg from her foot, and led him back to the Harringtons house.
''Well, it's about time!'' Derby said making his way to sammy with a drink in his left hand.
''About time? Are you fucking kidding me!?''
''Excuse me, A harrington does not use-''
''Derby back the FUCK off! While you were drinking I was hauling ass!'' To Derby it didn't make a diffrence, she was still late.
''Well what took you so long, and what the devil happen to Bif's head?'' She took Bifs hand off her shoulder and put him on the couch looking back at Derby with her hands folded.
''Um,I..I knocked him out by an accident...''
''WHAT?''
''I'm kidding he got hit by the jock that was trying to beat him up,but as usual Sammy came to the rescue.''
''Alright,well I'm going to the aquaberry club meeting in Bullworth Vale, wanna come?''
''No.''
''Well it takes a real Harrington to say yes.''
''Well it takes a gay ass fagot to say that about a fucking club...meeting?.''
''What did you say?!''
''Nothing.''
''Oh.''
THE END...I know this whole thing was gay, now please tell me where I can INPROVE!
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Sammy Winchester
Junior Member
My icon is suppose to be Sammy..mhmmm hahahha! *runs away*
Posts: 244
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Post by Sammy Winchester on May 17, 2010 17:23:58 GMT -5
She wondered were was Bif, looking left and right,turning in circles. And Derby's words just wandered on and off in her head. 'Find Bif, I haven't seen him in 4 hours, make sure he's alright.' Me? Why Me? I'm a girl, if he's in a fight I can't guard him...Why does Derby have to be a asshole all the time. She kept saying to herself on and on. As she put her right hand on her hip she heard a yell. A mocking yell. ''Come on rich boy! Fight!'' She took her hand off her hip and ran down the stairs all the way to the basketball court. She saw Bif fighting Damon. What was she gonna do? Fight him, she can't. He 220 pounds of pure muscle and she's a 137 pounds of...junk food. Although she knew how to fight, she didn't just want to go up to him and hit in upside the head. She eagerly looked on the floor to find a weapon. The one time she needed one she didn't haven't it. 'Of course now I fucking need one it isn't around!' She thought, she ran up to the white bench on her right and picked up a brick that was underneat it. Turning around she gave it her best shot and thrown it at the tall jacket wearing jock. Unluckily she hit Bif on the head that knocked the poor bastard out. ' Fuck my mother.....O screw this!' She ran up to the jock and kicked him in the nuts, turning him around and kicking his back that made him fall of balance and was on the ground. Now Damon holding his nut sack on the ground Sam woke Bif up with a little tap on his leg from her foot, and led him back to the Harringtons house. ''Well, it's about time!'' Derby said making his way to sammy with a drink in his left hand. ''About time? Are you fucking kidding me!?'' ''Excuse me, A harrington does not use-'' ''Derby back the FUCK off! While you were drinking I was hauling ass!'' To Derby it didn't make a diffrence, she was still late. ''Well what took you so long, and what the devil happen to Bif's head?'' She took Bifs hand off her shoulder and put him on the couch looking back at Derby with her hands folded. ''Um,I..I knocked him out by an accident...'' ''WHAT?'' ''I'm kidding he got hit by the jock that was trying to beat him up,but as usual Sammy came to the rescue.'' ''Alright,well I'm going to the aquaberry club meeting in Bullworth Vale, wanna come?''
''No.'' ''Well it takes a real Harrington to say yes.'' ''Well it takes a gay ass fagot to say that about a fucking club...meeting?.'' ''What did you say?!'' ''Nothing.'' '' Oh.'' THE END...I know this whole thing was gay, now please tell me where I can INPROVE! You wrote it perfect! Thanks,I'm totally gonna take the advice and next time I'll RP I make sure I'll explain a little more with sense. I really appreciate this, I'll make sure to write some more One Shot Wonders to practice later. Thanks again.
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Sammy Winchester
Junior Member
My icon is suppose to be Sammy..mhmmm hahahha! *runs away*
Posts: 244
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Post by Sammy Winchester on May 17, 2010 23:07:33 GMT -5
Sitting on the balcony, Sammy drinking her ice-cold soda while petting the leafs all around her. She was so bored, touching leaves actually amused her. 'Soft...Really..Soft.' Everything was quiet,it was peaceful. The only thing she could hear was her mouth chewing on the chips she had bought, then Bif walked in through the see-through door. Sitting next to Sammy. Holding his bumpy head he looked at Sammy.
''Damn, my head hurts.'' Sammy,looking at the bag that was empty threw it over the balcony. And flicked some crumbs off her hands.
''Yeah, that Damon guy really hurt you eh?'' She looked Bif in his hazel eyes. ' Damn, what a bruise.' Sammy thought.
''But,I don't think he did.I would have remembered.''
''Bif,I saw the fucking thing, He sucker punched you in his head,you fell,then I kicked him in his nuts for you.'' Bif was different then Derby,he didn't mind Sammy's cussing,he would cuss around her to.
''Man,When I see that lowlife, He'll be licking my shoes! He'll be ashamed to show his own face after I'm done with him!I'm going to beat the poor out of him! He'll wish he wasn't bo-'' Sam licked her fingers. ''Yeah,whatever you say.'' Bif frowned, it seem like his anger kinda..disappeared
''I just..don't understand how a lowlife like him..took me out?'' Bif felt odd,he felt sorry for himself. ' Damn...Maybe I should just tell him the truth...I can't lie to those...hazel..eyes...Damn Sammy say something!' She felt trapped,and felt bad at the same time.
''I DID IT OKAY!'' She threw the soda on the floor,but with her luck it exploded on her face.The ginger felt...confused...and harsh at his friend. What was Bif gonna do? Get mad at his friend that he knew since he was a child? Or let it slip? It was Sammy for god sakes. 'What would Derby do?' He thought.
''Sammy? You were the one who..did this? How could you?'' 'Damn...What Am I going to say? I should...just tell him the truth.' Sam wiped the liquid off her face with a grunt, This inch just became a mile.
''Derby told me to find you, and when I found you,Damon was beating the crap out of you. But I tried to throw a brick but with my luck....I hit you. But I got revenge by..''
''Kicking him in the nuts,I know. But what doesn't make sense is when I woke up, Derby nor you were there.'' He scratched the good side of his head and jump off the balcony turning himself to her. Sam folded her hands.
''Oh yeah, I went with Derby to a gay Aqua Berry headlines meeting,they wouldn't stop talking about the new headline for their clothes.'' Bif was kind of frustrated. It seemed like the ginger forgot about the whole thing.
''Sam,Aqua-Berry is not gay, in-fact its for real women and men.''
''Yeah,your right maybe we can go shopping later?'' She'd say anything to Bif, He just let the fact that Sammy threw a fucking brick at his head go past him. 'Man, Bif fucking Tremblay ignored this whole thing...what the hell? Maybe..that brick changed his senses.' She thought.'' Look, Bif I have to go to the library. I'll talk to you later.'' She'd left. Hoping not to be seen by Derby.
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Sammy Winchester
Junior Member
My icon is suppose to be Sammy..mhmmm hahahha! *runs away*
Posts: 244
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Post by Sammy Winchester on May 29, 2010 19:35:50 GMT -5
''No,no,no REL. It's Like this.''Sam pulled REL by her hands and started to make her dance. ''F is for friends that do stuff together,U is for U and Me! N is for anytime at all here in the deep valley!''
''Hey,I kinda like this stuff.''
''F is-Sam shot up from her bed,rubbing her eyes.''Oh...just a dream..'' She looked at her TV.That sponge cartoon was on.She flicked it off from her remote.''Thats the last time I put that retarded cartoon on.'' The bell started to ring,somebody pulled the fire alarm. She got out of her dorm joining the preps walking out of their dorms.
''Who pulled the fire alarm!''She said covering her ears.
''Your mother!''
''What?!''
''I said some kid!? Didn't you hear me!? Tad yelled back.
''Oh.''There was no way of escaping, there were marbles waiting to trip a motherfucker infront of the door.
''Probably that short kid Jimmy,he's such a dweep.''
''Whats a dweep?''
''What you are..-I'm going back to bed.'' How could she go back? She was already awake...she could probably..watch TV or something.Sam turned it on and sat on her bed. Flicking through the channels.She realized something...REL was on TV. She turned up the volume.
''Hi Sam,I'm going to fling poo on you from my ferret then I'm going to KILL YOU!''Sam shot out of bed again..''Oh..a dream..''When the fuck is this going to end...it's like this is Freddy Kruger,but REL. Sam tried to go back to bed,pulling the covers back on her but when she put her head back on the pillow REL was sitting on a chair holding a bag on the right hand and a ferret on her left shoulder,while holding a knife on her right hand!
''Oh screw this!'' Sam yelled and fell back to sleep.
(Yeah,I don't know what it is about me and flinging poo but I hope you guys can critique it and I can learn to RP better : D)
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Post by Memai on May 30, 2010 3:17:45 GMT -5
-- ORIGINAL POST -- Sitting on the balcony, Sammy drinking her ice-cold soda while petting the leafs all around her. She was so bored, touching leaves actually amused her. 'Soft...Really..Soft.' Everything was quiet,it was peaceful. The only thing she could hear was her mouth chewing on the chips she had bought, then Bif walked in through the see-through door. Sitting next to Sammy. Holding his bumpy head he looked at Sammy. ''Damn, my head hurts.'' Sammy,looking at the bag that was empty threw it over the balcony. And flicked some crumbs off her hands. ''Yeah, that Damon guy really hurt you eh?'' She looked Bif in his hazel eyes. ' Damn, what a bruise.' Sammy thought. ''But,I don't think he did.I would have remembered.'' ''Bif,I saw the fucking thing, He sucker punched you in his head,you fell,then I kicked him in his nuts for you.'' Bif was different then Derby,he didn't mind Sammy's cussing,he would cuss around her to. ''Man,When I see that lowlife, He'll be licking my shoes! He'll be ashamed to show his own face after I'm done with him!I'm going to beat the poor out of him! He'll wish he wasn't bo-'' Sam licked her fingers. ''Yeah,whatever you say.'' Bif frowned, it seem like his anger kinda..disappeared ''I just..don't understand how a lowlife like him..took me out?'' Bif felt odd,he felt sorry for himself. ' Damn...Maybe I should just tell him the truth...I can't lie to those...hazel..eyes...Damn Sammy say something!' She felt trapped,and felt bad at the same time. ''I DID IT OKAY!'' She threw the soda on the floor,but with her luck it exploded on her face.The ginger felt...confused...and harsh at his friend. What was Bif gonna do? Get mad at his friend that he knew since he was a child? Or let it slip? It was Sammy for god sakes. 'What would Derby do?' He thought. ''Sammy? You were the one who..did this? How could you?'' 'Damn...What Am I going to say? I should...just tell him the truth.' Sam wiped the liquid off her face with a grunt, This inch just became a mile. ''Derby told me to find you, and when I found you,Damon was beating the crap out of you. But I tried to throw a brick but with my luck....I hit you. But I got revenge by..'' ''Kicking him in the nuts,I know. But what doesn't make sense is when I woke up, Derby nor you were there.'' He scratched the good side of his head and jump off the balcony turning himself to her. Sam folded her hands. ''Oh yeah, I went with Derby to a gay Aqua Berry headlines meeting,they wouldn't stop talking about the new headline for their clothes.'' Bif was kind of frustrated. It seemed like the ginger forgot about the whole thing. ''Sam,Aqua-Berry is not gay, in-fact its for real women and men.'' ''Yeah,your right maybe we can go shopping later?'' She'd say anything to Bif, He just let the fact that Sammy threw a fucking brick at his head go past him. 'Man, Bif fucking Tremblay ignored this whole thing...what the hell? Maybe..that brick changed his senses.' She thought.'' Look, Bif I have to go to the library. I'll talk to you later.'' She'd left. Hoping not to be seen by Derby. (( Hey hey! :> ))Sammy was sitting on the balcony, drinking her ice cold soda, her fingers gently brushing the leaves around her; they were soft, cool to the touch even, a perfect element to the already peaceful surroundings.
She was taken out of her thoughts, when she heard the sliding glass door behind her open, she turned around—it was Bif, taking his seat beside her. His head was hurting, there were bumps and bruises, his hand on the side of his head, it was aching too much. “My… head hurts,” he complained quietly, looking at Sammy all the while.
The girl smiled, “Yeah, that Damon guy really hurt you, huh?” She examined his face, lightly tracing her fingers over his wounds, frowning as she did. ‘Damn, what a bruise’“I don’t think it was Damon, I would’ve—“ “Bif,” Sammy interrupted, “I saw the fucking thing,” she smiled now, knowing that the boxer was the only prep who wouldn’t call her out on her language. “He sucker punched you in the face and well… you fell. So I took the liberty of kicking his ass for you.” The boy smiled, letting out an airy laugh, before returning to a more solemn expression, “When I see that lowlife, he’ll be licking my shoes, after I beat the poor out of him and right after I—“ “Boy, you talk too much,” Sammy cut the boy off, smiling childishly.His anger disappeared, for now, “I just… don’t understand how someone like HIM took me out. I mean, I’ve had YEARS of training!” As Bif went on feeling sorry for himself, Sammy couldn’t help but feel a little guilty. After all, it was her who threw the brick and missed, not Damon. She wanted, desperately, to keep it inside of her.
But she could feel it coming up. ‘Damn, Sammy, you’re making ol’ hazel eyes here cry.’“I DID IT!” Her words flew out of her mouth just as quickly as her hand flew up to cover it, “I mean…” Her thoughts were racing wildly now; what was Derby going to do if he found out? What was Bif going to do now that he knows? Would he let it slip and not tell Harrington? Or would he be bound to his loyalty and get Sammy in trouble.“You… did this?” Bif repeated dumbly, “You did this?” Sammy nodded pathetically.“Wh… why?” He was bewildered, naturally. He had seen a friend in Sammy and she goes around and beats him up.
“Well…” the girl was looking down now, “Derby told me to find you, and I did, and I saw Damon beating the crap out of you and, I don’t know, I wanted to help, I got desperate,” she was talking fast, her heart was beating faster with each word she said, “So I found this brick, and fuck, you know my luck, so when I threw the damned thing, it hit… you.” Bif wanted to say something, but Sammy’s hands flew to his, trying to stop him from saying anything more, “I’M SORRY! I really did kick him in the nuts though…” “But… wait, that would mean you brought me back, right?” “Yeah?” “So… why wasn’t anyone there when I woke up.” Sammy ran her fingers through her hair, she was tired, “Augh, Derby made me go to this gay-ass Aquaberry meeting. They kept going ON and ON about the new lines like a bunch of highschool girls.” The boxer smiled at the analogy, but no less, continued to stand by Derby’s side, “Hey, it’s not all that bad! Aquaberry’s made for both men and women. Not just highschool girls.” “Yeah, maybe we could go out later?” she said nervously, hell, she wanted to say anything to keep Bif’s mind off the fact that she took him out with a brick. She couldn’t help but feel a little bit nervous, the boxer seemed completely okay that Sam had almost killed him. ‘Maybe it changed his senses around.’Whatever it was though, standing in front of him was not making her anxiety go away. “Look, I… I have to go to the library, I’ll talk to you soon.” She left in a haste, leaving Bif alone to tend to his thoughts, and his swollen eye.------------------------------------------------------------------------- Notes:- Break up long strings of dialogue; when I read through the conversation, I got a little lost when you went from dialogue and then back to prose. Was she fidgeting when she was admitting to Bif? Did she notice his glare at her? People express themselves with body language when they talk, this gives us an insight into a character's personality. ex: If Roxy was talking to Derby, she probably would be stuttering and shivering. If it was Kay, on the other hand, she'd be very aloof and unpleasant. - Strange bits o' prose removed; why did she feel amused when she touched the leaves? Did she feel more at peace or did she feel as though she's about to pee herself laughing. Explain these quirks :> - Also, to not make things sound repetitive, use other things aside from 'she' or 'Sammy' when referring to that character. Use adjectives! This helps especially when you write two characters of the same gender/clique/etc. and you want to differentiate them. Bif is not only a (fine specimen of a) prep, he also has red hair, is very tall, muscular and is a boxer. ex: Roxy and REL are both British. However, one is much more timid/pale, while the other is much more extroverted/tan. - Did Bif excuse her for knocking him out? Or was he just trying not to show his anger when he joked around with her? Hint at what he might be thinking, it makes RP posts that much more juicier because of the suspense!
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Post by professorpineapple on Jun 5, 2010 4:16:58 GMT -5
The can dropped down with a clank-clank-kthunk, like something heavy being chucked into a trashcan. But, when he reached into the mouth of the machine, Stevie Stapleton found that the can weighed next to nothing. Somehow, it didn't seem right. Was it always this loud.
He leaned againsted the earwax-yellow wall, pondering this. The can hissed at him when he popped the top. He took a drink, and the sugary fizzle of slow tooth decay was refreshing. Older kids walked passed, but not very quickly. No one was particularly eager to get to the cafeteria at Bullworth.
Two blotches of white appeared in the eighth-grader's field of vision. Almost automatically, his hand flew to his forehead in salute. Davis White grinned, looking quite pleased with himself. He took the blue can from Stevie's other hand.
"At ease, soldier," he said, and took as swig as Stevie lowered his arm.
Stevie greeted Ethan Robinson with a sleepy smile. The taller boy gave a slight bow, a habit picked up after countless hours of kung-fu movies. He'd told Stevie that he was going to teach him some of the martial arts he'd learned, but he hadn't gotten around to it. Stevie still looked forward to it, though.
"So, Stapleton," said Davis, gesturing to him with his can of Beam Cola, "Listen, we're friends, right?"
Stevie smiled pleasantly at him. He wondered what they wanted him to do. "Yeah."
"Yeah, yeah," Davis bobbed his head in agreement. "Of course. That's why we wanna invite you to our little party tonight, OK?"
But, it's Tuesday...
"Alright," said Stevie. He waited.
"Yeah," said the brunette, "But, see, we got a little problem. We need you to help us get something."
Stevie didn't respond - just watched him with a mild expression. He figured it'd be something like that. It usually was. Stevie was the smallest and the fastest and didn't mind a weeks worth of detention. He wasn't much help in a fight, but the Bullies had their uses for the boy.
The unblinking gaze of his big, black eyes made Davis squirm uncomfortably. He looked to Ethan, who coughed, and said in a lowered voice, "We need some of Mr. Galloway's 'tea'. You know, under his desk. But he's in there all lunch hour. Grading papers or something."
Stevie nodded to show he understood, and awaited further instruction. Ethan tried to fight the smile twitching at the corner of his lips. "We're gonna hafta come back tonight, after the school's closed."
"Got it," said Stevie, and he did. They'd done this before. Despite his best efforts, Ethan Robinson was no ninja. He was just too big. But, Stevie was just the right size to slip through the shadows, and creep about the empty hallways without a sound. And there wasn't much difference between the lock on a door and the lock on a locker - Mr. Galloway's was easiest, become sometimes he forgot to lock up.
Ethan's brow furrowed. He looked suddenly annoyed. "All you gotta do this time is unlock the window. I'll get the stuff."
Stevie tilted his head, confused. "But, if I'm already in, I can ju...Oh. OK. Sure."
Ethan lifted his chin with a satisfied smile. Without a word, he strut down towards the cafeteria. As he watched him go, the intro to Eye of the Tiger played in Stevie's head. But, Davis seemed to think this whole thing less than cool, as he rolled his eyes, and chugged the last of Stevie's Beam. He handed the empty can back to the boy, and followed the other Bully towards the cafeteria.
After a few yards, he turned. "You coming?"
"Uh, yeah," he set the can against the wall, and sauntered after the older boy.
He wondered if he should start making friends his own age.
----
Grah. This is dumb. Just trying to get a feel for Stevie's character, 'cause I wrote him up in kind of a hurry. Not sure if I really "got it", though.
Crits, please?
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Post by Memai on Jun 5, 2010 4:47:54 GMT -5
Actually, aside from a few grammar mistakes, you did pretty well! I'm impressed >w< If you want to work on his characterization, maybe you could write what he thinks? Like an inner monologue? Example: When Ethan looked annoyed, and Stevie was confused, what went through his mind? Why was he confused? Did he think the other Bullies weren't confident he couldn't unlock the window/door AND steal the bottle of whiskey? Did that make him feel like he wasn't 'there' with them? Ask little questions. This is the 100 Questions Questionnaire some of us used to make our characters. You don't have to publish it anywhere, but writing it as if you were your character helps you understand him better. They may seem irrelevant, but trust me, you'd be surprised at how much this could help >w<
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Sammy Winchester
Junior Member
My icon is suppose to be Sammy..mhmmm hahahha! *runs away*
Posts: 244
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Post by Sammy Winchester on Jun 5, 2010 16:13:06 GMT -5
The prep just lied there,her hands were folded which meant she was sad. Sam was so bored,she began to think about friends. And money. She began to think about the day she started to hate Derby. See,they were very close. They were friends. But that changed.
In a rush...
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''Happy 13th birthday Samantha!'' Her mother yelled,as she kissed the girl on her cheek.
''Heh,thanks mom.'' The prep was glad it was her birthday,she waited 5 months for this. The 13 year-old finally gets to go shopping alone...well. At least to Sammy Winchester alone meant with Derby,Pinky,and Bif. She thought they were cool. And if your spotted with them,your cool,popular. But really,hated.
''Well,sweety. I'm sorry your father hasn't come.you know-''
''Business,yeah I know it's inportant.'' She faked a smile,as she walked over to the chair,and let all control of her body go out,causing a sound when she hit it. Sam placed her hands on the armchairs. Glaring soullessly at her mother.
''Well,what are you waiting for,don't you want to have cake?''
''Mom,I'm waiting for everyone to show up.''
''Oh...okay.'' The women turned around,frowning. She never told anybody it was Sam's birthday,she forgot. The women was depressed now,feeling so bad for her daughter. This mother of two always felt bad for the tiniest little things. But this was kind of big.
''Hey Sam-ay!'' Ezio walked in from the hallway, highfiving her hand.
''Hey,Ez...Ez-ay.'' The prep couldn't make a ''ay'' with Ezio now could she?
Man,where is everybody. This is so lame! Where's Derby,and Bif...And Pinky? She didn't care much about the others,she didn't know the others. At all.
A knock at the door. Sam shot up,slightly pushing her brother who had face full of brown cupcake he was eating.''Hey!'' He yelled. She open the door,excited to see Bif. But not Derby.
The fifteen Bif Taylor,walked in.
''Hey Bif,Where's ah...where Derby?'' She scratched her head,hopping he would come in right now.
''He couldn't make it. He went somewhere with...Pinky.'' Sam's heart broke,she waited 5 months for this,and Derby nor Pinky didn't show up. He...blew me off,his own cousin. For Pinky...How could he? She felt like there were knifes in side her body,somebody got all her inside and twisted them. Everything was a let down. She felt betrayed and sad.
''But I'm here! We can do something!''
She bit on her lip.
''Uh,like what.''
''Well,since we were suppose to go shopping,lets go.''
''Okay!'' Sam's face lit up,still she can go. With a Prep. Her insides went back to normal. She had a little hate for her cousin now,but Bif. He was there for her.
''Oh,Bif. Where's Derby!?'' Sam mother came in, surprised.
''He-didn't-show up.'' Ezio explained chewing like a gorilla on the cupcake.
''Quiet down hungry,hungry hippo.'' Sam said with a chuckle.
''Oh screw you.''
''Love you to.Let's go.''
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2 weeks later. Derby's house.
She knocked on his door,but nobody answered. Then Sam knocked on it again,a little harder this time.
Maybe it's open.
She turned the knob,and for some reason it shocked her a little.
''Aw fuck!'' That was the first time she said that. Whoa,did I just...cool. Not even noticing her hair that was a little puffy,her hand was aching. She traveled in the back,and went to the screen door,that was open.
''Okay,Sam if a dog gets you. Kick him in his ass.'' She lurked around , as she opened the door. There was laundry everywhere. ''Oh,laundry room.'' Then she heard gasping,Then this type of noise that comes out of your mouth when you put your lips together. Then,she saw. What could not be un saw.
''What the hell!'' The 13 year old girl yelled at the sight of Derby and a taller women kissing. They stopped,as the nanny swiped her face clean.
''Oh Sammy!''
''Damn right! What the fuck Derby! Your blew me off to make out with some woman?''
''It's not some Woman Sammy,It's the Woman. She's great,she's the Nanny.''
''You...blew me off,for the nanny? What the fu-''
''When did you start cussing,and if you tell anybody-'' Derby's father walked behind Sammy.
''I heard everything boy! And you leave! Your not getting your check anymore either!'' As the father went in front of her,getting a hand on Derby dragging him,he signaled Sammy to leave.
Sam's heart broke even more. She wanted to find that girl and punched her. Then she thought. Sam,you've learned new grammar,caught Derby getting molested...by some whore of a nanny..Why do you care? You don't like Derby...Or maybe I do..I waited 5 months and he blows me off..for her! The thought went in circles,and wouldn't leave the little girls mind. Then that was it. Her mother watched her in the car,waiting for her to come back.
Applying her makeup in the mirror,she didn't notice.
''Take that you fuck-wad! And this! And this! Fucking moron! I hate you, I always will! I'll remember this day for the rest of my life!'' She ran to car,closing the door.
''Dear lord child.what happen to their land scape?''(I mean vases and stuff)
''I don't know,probably somebody that hates them wrecked there things. He probably deserved it.''
''Well,what happen?''
''Were best friends don't worry.'' They drove off,as Sammy rolled down her window she heard the distant. scream.''Good lord father! No don't!'' Good ol thrashing...
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''God,Derby is an idiot.'' The prep walked up as the bell rang,joining Stevey and the others walking out.
''What do you think about when you wake up?''
''Nothing? Why would you ask?'' The girl laughed as she open the door.
good ol thrashing...haha
(Lame I know,LONG,i know. Critique please.)
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Post by Memai on Jun 10, 2010 5:40:06 GMT -5
(( crit in progress :> ))
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Post by Memai on Jun 10, 2010 7:15:30 GMT -5
The prep just lied there,her hands were folded which meant she was sad. Sam was so bored,she began to think about friends. And money. She began to think about the day she started to hate Derby. See,they were very close. They were friends. But that changed. In a rush...----------------------------------------------------------------- ''Happy 13th birthday Samantha!'' Her mother yelled, as she kissed the girl on her cheek.''Heh, thanks mom.'' The prep was glad it was her birthday,she waited 5 months for this because the now 13 year-old finally gets to go shopping alone...well. At least to Sammy Winchester alone meant with Derby,Pinky,and Bif. She thought they were cool. And if your spotted with them, your cool and popular. But really, hated. ( Please, please remember to always put a space after a comma. It's just the correct formatting. Also, don't be afraid to break up sentences with words like "because". If you're not sure what's the correct syntax or formatting, I suggest running your posts through Word before posting :> ))[/u] ''Well, sweety, I'm sorry your father hasn't come.you know-'' ''Business, yeah I know it's inportant.'' She faked a smile,as she walked over to the chair,and let all control of her body go, causing a sound when she hit it. Sam placed her hands on the armchairs. Glaring soullessly at her mother.
''Well,what are you waiting for,don't you want to have cake?''
''Mom, I'm waiting for everyone to show up.''
''Oh...okay.'' The women turned around,frowning. She never told anybody it was Sam's birthday,she forgot. The women was depressed now,feeling so bad for her daughter. This mother of two always felt bad for the tiniest little things. But this was kind of big.
''Hey Sam-ay!'' Ezio walked in from the hallway, highfiving her hand.
''Hey,Ez...Ez-ay.'' The prep couldn't make a ''ay'' with Ezio now could she?
Man,where is everybody. This is so lame! Where's Derby,and Bif...And Pinky? She didn't care much about the others,she didn't know the others at all. ( you didn't need to put "At all" in its own sentence, it ruins the reading flow)[/b] A knock at the door. Sam shot up,slightly pushing her brother who had face full of brown cupcake he was eating.''Hey!'' He yelled. She open the door,excited to see Bif. But not Derby.The fifteen year old Bif Taylor,walked in. (please be sure to revise and re-read your posts before replying :>)[/u] ''Hey Bif,Where's ah...where Derby?'' She scratched her head,hopping he would come in right now.
''He couldn't make it. He went somewhere with...Pinky.'' Sam's heart broke,she waited five months for this,and Derby nor Pinky didn't show up. He...blew me off,his own cousin. For Pinky...How could he? She felt like there were knives inside her body, like somebody got all her insides and twisted them. Everything was a let down, She felt betrayed and sad.
''But I'm here! We can do something!''
She bit on her lip.
''Uh,like what?" (Questions use a question mark, otherwise it's just a statement :>)[/u] ''Well,since we were suppose to go shopping,lets go.'' ''Okay!'' Sam's face lit up,still she can go. With a Prep. Her insides went back to normal. She had a little hate for her cousin now,but Bif. He was there for her. ''Oh,Bif. Where's Derby!?'' Sam mother came in, surprised. ''He-didn't-show up.'' Ezio explained chewing like a gorilla on the cupcake. ''Quiet down hungry,hungry hippo.'' Sam said with a chuckle. ''Oh screw you.'' ''Love you too.Let's go.'' ----------------------------------------- Two weeks later. Derby's house. She knocked on his door,but nobody answered. Then Sam knocked on it again,a little harder this time.Maybe it's open. She turned the knob,and for some reason it shocked her a little.''Aw fuck!'' That was the first time she said that. Whoa,did I just...cool. Not even noticing her hair that was a little puffy (I didn't understand this part :c Was this important? Did she want to look good for Derby before? Did she not care at that point in time because she was worried?[/u],her hand was aching. She traveled to the back,and went to the screen door that was open.[/i] ''Okay,Sam if a dog gets you. Kick it in his ass.'' She lurked around , as she opened the door. There was laundry everywhere. ''Oh,laundry room.'' Then she heard gasping,Then this type of noise that comes out of your mouth when you put your lips together. Then,she saw. What could not be un saw. ''What the hell!'' The 13 year old girl yelled at the sight of Derby and a taller women kissing. They stopped,as the nanny wiped her face clean.''Oh, Sammy!'' ''Damn right! What the fuck Derby! Your blew me off to make out with some woman?'' ''It's not some Woman Sammy,It's the Woman. She's great,she's the Nanny.'' ''You...blew me off for the nanny? What the fu-'' ''When did you start cussing,and if you tell anybody-'' Derby's father walked behind Sammy.
''I heard everything boy! And you leave! Your not getting your check anymore either!'' As the father went in front of her,getting a hand on Derby dragging him,he signaled Sammy to leave.
Sam's heart broke even more. She wanted to find that girl and punch her. Then she thought. Sam,you've learned new grammar,caught Derby getting molested...by some whore of a nanny..Why do you care? You don't like Derby...Or maybe I do..I waited 5 months and he blows me off..for her! The thought went in circles,and wouldn't leave the little girls mind. Then that was it. Her mother watched her in the car,waiting for her to come back.
Applying her makeup in the mirror, she didn't notice.
''Take that you fuck-wad! And this! And this! Fucking moron! I hate you, I always will! I'll remember this day for the rest of my life!'' She ran to the car,closing the door.
''Dear lord child, what happened to their landscape?''(I mean vases and stuff) (A landscape usually refers to their garden, so 'vases and 'stuff' confuse me. Parenthesis/brackets are used to explain something to the reader in brief, you didn't need to use it here)[/u] ''I don't know,probably somebody that hates them wrecked there things. He probably deserved it.'' ''Well,what happen ed?'' ''We're best friends don't worry.'' They drove off, as Sammy rolled down her window she heard the distant scream.''Good lord father! No don't!'' Good ol thrashing...----------------------------------- ''God,Derby is an idiot.'' The prep walked up (walked up where? The halls? The school building?)[/u] as the bell rang,joining Stevey and the others walking out. ''What do you think about when you wake up?'' ''Nothing? Why would you ask?'' The girl laughed as she open ed the door. good ol thrashing...haha(Lame I know,LONG,i know. Critique please.) [/quote] Okay, so here are some of the things I've noticed in your posts :> Please pay attention! >w< - You often mix up your tenses; if you're writing in past tense, keep it in past tense, otherwise, it just confuses the others who are reading.
EX: Kay was walking with her friends. (this is past tense) Kay is walking with her friends. (this is present tense) This page explains it all, with visual cues too for the more confusing ones :>
- Please remember to ALWAYS put a space after a comma. It's not only correct formatting, but it's also much much easier to read * w*
- Also, the numbers one till ten (1 - 10) should be in words, not numbers. Anything above that, should be alright.
This page explains.
- You seem to break up your sentences a lot :< Which isn't good, as it breaks up the flow of the sentence. If you need to write a wordy sentence, break it up with semi-colons or commas instead, rather than using periods/full-stops.
Which is easier to read in one go? - Roxy had never liked Derby because he was selfish, rude, inconsiderate and was just a terrible person all around.
Or
- Roxy had never liked Derby. Because he was selfish, rude, inconsiderate. And just was just a terrible person all around.
- When you write, please be descriptive, but not overly so. Try to keep these questions in mind as you write:
Who? What? Where? When? How? Why?
Who is the person you're writing about? Sam Winchester What is she doing? She's walking. Where she is walking? She's walking towards the school building. When does this happen? In the morning, right after the bell rang. How does she walk? She's slouching and dragging her feet. Why is she walking that way? She doesn't like morning classes, and also because Derby will be there too. She doesn't like Derby.
See? This is essentially about Sammy going to class in the morning, but it tells the reader so much; that she doesn't like classes, but she goes anyway because she knows it's important. She isn't looking forward to morning classes though, because Derby would be there and she hates his sorry blonde self.
Try thinking of each post as a 'mission', what do you want to accomplish? Do you want to further the storyline? Do you want other players to get an insight into your character? Do you want to interact with other characters for X reason?
- One last thing; revise and read your post aloud before hitting the 'post reply' button. When I read (and really, everyone else too), I usually have a 'voice' in my head reading the words on the screen to me, so if your sentences don't sound right, I have to pause and re-read it until I understand. When you read aloud, you'll be able to find and fix sentences that sound really, really weird.
Try running through your posts through Word too, for spelling and common grammar mistakes you might've missed.
That's all for now :> Though I must admit, you're getting better! Keep it up >w<
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Sammy Winchester
Junior Member
My icon is suppose to be Sammy..mhmmm hahahha! *runs away*
Posts: 244
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Post by Sammy Winchester on Jun 10, 2010 19:18:36 GMT -5
Cutting Class, Bif and Sam are at Yum, Yum Market. The muscular boy is buying flowers for a girl he likes, and it's not Sam.
''Really Bif, Daisy's are fine. Can we just go?'' The girl asked aggravated.
''Sam, I need pretty flowers like her. She's a.-''
''Yeah, she's a beauty.'' Sam is so stubborn, laying her arm on the counter desk,The girl sighed. Sam likes this boy, and she's watching him buy flowers for somebody else.
''Is that jealousy I hear?'' He turned to her, with a smart ass smile.
Yes...why can't you just forget this you idiot..The girl just likes you for your money probably..
''How the hell did you find this girl anyway Bif?'' The prep went behind the bigger one, analyzing everything.
''Buy something or leave.'' The cashier said, as he counted his money.''We are, hold on 4 eyes.''
''Well, It was a pretty day at the docks at Bullworth Vale, then I saw her. Walking on the sand, her hair-''
''Oh jeez, forget the fucking thing.Just tell me if she is a prep, a bull-''
''You have to be joking Sam,A Bully? She is a very nice, girl. A Mannered one too.She's going to turn into a Prep,her name is Becky...'' A proud smile went on Bif's face.
Becky!? Oh god. Her? Her!? He likes that bitch and not me..Manners..who needs them?
The girl chuckled.On the thought of them being together...
''What? And I'll take these..'' The boy smiled with her, as he placed the five dollar bill on the counter.
''Here you go, come back again yada yada yady.''
''Yeah,great worker...'' Sam said sarcastically walking out, as Bif followed with the twelve daisys in his hands.
They are out now, going all the way to the back of the store to throw away something Sam asked about.
''Just hold on,let me throw this away.'' The prep struggled to throw away the note she had in her pocket, Sammy had the note in there for a weeks now.
''Sam,you didn't answer me..''
''What?'' Sam struggled to take it out of the tight pants, but managed to get it out.
''You laughed when I told you her name is Becky.''
What do I tell him? I know that she's pretending to like you for your money,and I secretly want you?...
''I...I just, I don't like Becky Bif, I know for a fact..or in my opinion, that she just likes you for your money.'' Sammy looked at him with her big blue eyes, as he focused on her scar.
''It's always like this with you Sam! Nobody likes me, they want my money. So maybe your just some bitch who wants my money, and I'm just some poor bastard who nobody likes!''
Sam's heart broke, her insides shot out of her body.
''Oh Fuck you Bif!'' She got the note and threw it in the garbage can, walking away from him. Then it began to rain, heavily.
Shit...what did I just do? The ginger thought,regretting his words. Then,he noticed the paper that didn't make it in the garbage can. He knelled down picking it up.
He walked out of the dead end,watching Sam as she walked to Bullworth, he began to read the note.The ink was half smudged, he tighted his eyes. And managed to read it.
Dear Bif, I know were friends. You've been there so long for me. And, friends. Thats all we are. But Bif, I wanna be more. Shit, you know I don't know how to do this kind of stuff, express my feelings or whatever those movies say... I-. It skipped 7 lines on the paper,as he scrolled down with his eyes. There it was. The words he will never forget. I love you Bif. I really do. Sincerely, Sammy.
(So uh,Yeah this never happened but hey It's a one shot wonder. So I just wanted to make another one, I wanna thank M e m a i A bunch! Thanks for the advice,I'll be using it ALOT in the RP when I go back, So thanks. I appreciate it.And this originally had another ending,it was them making out but I didn't want it to be to long and corny ,I just wanted to make one using the advice from talented M e m a i)
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Post by professorpineapple on Jun 11, 2010 0:33:11 GMT -5
Cutting Class, ((Why is "class" capitalized?))Bif and Sam are at Yum, Yum ((Don't remember if it's "YumYum Market" or "Yum-Yum Market", but there is no comma)) Market. The muscular boy is buying flowers for a girl he likes, and it's not Sam. ((Oh snap! But, you could show him shopping for flowers, rather than tell us.))''Really Bif, Daisy's ((No need to capitalize. To make a noun ending in 'y' plural, drop the 'y' and add 'ies'. "Really, Bif, daisies are fine."are fine. Can we just go?'' The girl asked aggravated.''Sam, I need pretty flowers like her. She's a.-'' ''Yeah, she's a beauty.'' Sam is so stubborn, laying her arm on the counter desk,((You can just call it a "counter"))The girl sighed. Sam likes this boy, and she's watching him buy flowers for somebody else.((That sucks. How does this make her feel? Angry? Rejected? Probably angry, knowing Sam, but you should give us a hint anyway))''Is that jealousy I hear?'' He turned to her, with a smart ass smile. ((What a dick! Is he joking or just being mean?))[/u] Yes...why can't you just forget this you idiot..The girl just likes you for your money probably..((Does she have any reason to think this? Has this sort of thing happened before?))[/u] ''How the hell did you find this girl anyway Bif?'' The prep went behind the bigger one, analyzing everything.((Analyzing what? The store? Bif's body language?))[/u] ''Buy something or leave.'' The cashier said, as he counted his money.''We are, hold on 4 eyes.'' ((Who said that? the cashier?))''Well, It was a pretty day at the docks at Bullworth Vale, then I saw her. Walking on the sand, her hair-'' ''Oh jeez, forget the fucking thing.Just tell me if she is a prep, a bull-'' ''You have to be joking Sam,A Bully? ((Watch your spacing after commas. Also, "a" doesn't have to be capitalized))[/u] She is a very nice, girl. A Mannered ((this doesn't have to be capitalized, either. Also, what kind of "mannered"? Well-mannered? Ill-mannered? ...Those are my only examples, but y'know.))[/u] one too.She's going to turn into a Prep,her name is Becky...'' A proud smile went on Bif's face. Becky!? Oh god. Her? Her!? He likes that bitch and not me..Manners..who needs them? ((Who is this Becky person? How does Sam know her? Why does she call her a "bitch"? How does having manners make her a "bitch"??))[/u] The girl chuckled.On the thought of them being together... ((Not totally sure what you're trying to say here. Is she chuckling at the thought of them being together? Some hints as to why would be nice - why she thinks this is funny, and why she's laughing at the guy she likes liking someone else. Because that sucks. Hardcore.))[/b] ''What? And I'll take these..'' The boy smiled with her, as he placed the five dollar bill on the counter.((WHOA WHOA WHOA WAIT. HOLD UP HOLD UP. Bif Taylor, a Prep - the clique who OBSESSES over money and social status - spent FIVE DOLLARS on a gift for a girl he likes? Five dollars!? You'd think he'd go for a $50 bouquet of roses or something.))[/u] ''Here you go, come back again yada yada yady.'' ''Yeah,great worker...'' Sam said sarcastically walking out,((How does one walk sarcastically? Unless you mean she spoke sarcastically, in which case, you need a comma after "sarcastically".))as Bif followed with the twelve daisys in his hands. They are out now, going all the way to the back of the store to throw away something Sam asked about. ((Why did it suddenly change to present-tense? And why do you have to say all this in one sentance, ratherthan explain it happening? Also, everything after "store" confuses me.))[/b] ''Just hold on,let me throw this away.'' The prep struggled to throw away the note she had in her pocket, Sammy had the note in there for a weeks now. (("A weeks"? Do you mean "a week", or "weeks"?))[/b] ''Sam,you didn't answer me..'' ((Did he ask a question?))[/u] ''What?'' Sam struggled to take it out of the tight pants, but managed to get it out.''You laughed when I told you her name is Becky.'' What do I tell him? I know that she's pretending to like you for your money,and I secretly want you?...((Once again, why does she think this girl only wants him for his money? It would help if we knew who Becky was. Also, the ellispes...ellipsies... "..." isn't needed.))''I...I just, I don't like Becky Bif, I know for a fact..or in my opinion, that she just likes you for your money.'' Sammy looked at him with her big blue eyes, as he focused on her scar. ((Why does she think this? And why is Bif focusing on her scar?))''It's always like this with you Sam! Nobody likes me, they want my money. So maybe your (("you're")) just some bitch who wants my money, and I'm just some poor bastard who nobody likes!'' Sam's heart broke, her insides shot out of her body. ((SAM EXPLODED!? D8 Honestly, though, I have no idea what "her insides shot out of her body" means.))''Oh Fuck you Bif!'' She got the note and threw it in the garbage can, walking away from him. Then it began to rain, heavily. ((It just started pouring out of nowhere? What??))[/u] Shit...what did I just do? The ginger thought,regretting his words. ((Why is he regretting his words? He has every reason to tell her off like that. She's being kind of selfish.)) Then,he noticed the paper that didn't make it in the garbage can. He knelled down picking it up. ((Why would he do this?))He walked out of the dead end,watching Sam as she walked to Bullworth, he began to read the note.The ink was half smudged, he tighted his eyes. ((You mean he squinted?)) And managed to read it. Dear Bif, I know were friends. You've been there so long for me. And, friends. Thats all we are. But Bif, I wanna be more. Shit, you know I don't know how to do this kind of stuff, express my feelings or whatever those movies say... I-. It skipped 7 lines on the paper,as he scrolled down with his eyes. There it was. The words he will never forget. I love you Bif. I really do. Sincerely, Sammy.((D'aww.))[/quote] Sorry, first crit on this site. Hope it was at least a teensy bit helpful. Anyway, I agree with Memai, your grammar is improving. You just need to slow down a little - there are a lot of little mistakes with commas and capitalization. One quick thing: "You're" means "you are". EX: You're kind of a weirdo."Your" is possesive. EX: Can I borrow your notes after class?Like that. Keep practicing, and we'll see you on the RP boards in no time ;D
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Sammy Winchester
Junior Member
My icon is suppose to be Sammy..mhmmm hahahha! *runs away*
Posts: 244
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Post by Sammy Winchester on Jun 11, 2010 1:50:47 GMT -5
*British Accent* Thanks Professor! Really helped, well uh. I'm probably gonna be pushing it, but. I'm gonna make another one. Probably something really random and short. Just to make sure I won't go back into my old habits of RPing, god. Thank you Professor, Yah really helped me. And when I post it, Chelsea,Memai,DJkid,you....Heck anybody that has the control can decide when I go back to the RP. So, pip pip doodley doo!...God I miss Drake and Josh.
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Sammy Winchester
Junior Member
My icon is suppose to be Sammy..mhmmm hahahha! *runs away*
Posts: 244
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Post by Sammy Winchester on Jun 11, 2010 3:46:25 GMT -5
(Who ever crits this one gets to decide if I'm good enough to go back into the RP or keep practicing, so uh. Yeah, can't wait for the crit.)
''Chad, you fucking got this. You know it!'' Sam said, as she sat in the half broken chair starring at the muscular prep, she was the one who broke it. She tried to break it to show off to Bif. It is a random day at her school. Cutting second class as usual, the 15 year old was bored so thought why not hang out with the gang in the boxing gym, with friends?
''You know that!'' Chad yells as he hits his boxing gloves together, ready. To bad he didn't know Sam is betting on him. Why would he care anyway? Although he thinks Sammy really believes he's a good fighter.
The fight began, Chad and Parker are circling each other like hawks about to attack on one last meal before the universe ends. Which one will take it? First shot is Parker, right in Chads mouth. Then Chad uppercuts him in the stomach, Parker showing no pain...on the outside tries to punch Chad in the same spot, but missed. The other prep with the green shorts takes the chance and sucker punches him right in the mouth, Parker falls to the ground.
''Me, I Won!'' The British accent prep declares, ignoring the whole fact Parker gets right back up.
Yes!
''Hey I'm still-'' Parker gets cut off, As Chads expression changes fastly, a much more calmer voice comes out. The prep raises his boxing glove in front of Parker's face.
''I don't have time Parker, I have a date.'' Chad takes his gloves off, getting out of the ropes. He lied though, he didn't. The prep just wanted the ''You won'' factor in his mind. He leaves, going up to the stairs, not to any date.
The prep turns to other, sarcastically laughing. ''Aw, don't you just love these fights Gord? Pay up.'' The 15 year old let out her hand.
''But-I-My fighter got u-''
''On no amigo, Chad won not Parker.'' The new prep wasn't going to let this go, it involves money,yeah. Money. And this is Sam Winchester, she is going to get the fucking cash. Parker fell, not Chad. Gord better pay up before things get ugly. Sammy's been killing the punching bags these last 5 weeks, KILLING.
Oh come on...please god let this kid pay me....please!
''Oh,just take it, I have plenty!'' Gord hands the girl the 66 dollars, as he takes the magazine from the table and reads it. ''These sales are magnifecent!'' The boy says as he cotinues to gaze into his own little heaven of shoe sales.
Sammy gets up from the chair, traveling to the other side of the boxing-gym with a skip in her hill, while tapping her leg. Sammy was happy. She has money, plus she likes that part of the gym. It had those punching bags. Sam kicks and punches the hell out of those things.
''Hey Sam.'' The muscular ginger yelled, as he comes behind, grabbing her shoulder. Sam turns around.
Oh my fucking god...Bif is....he has no shirt on..
''Thank you big man up stairs.''
''What?'' Bif smiles, not even knowing what she meant. He scratches one of his abs.
''Uh, I..- Bif you have no fucking shirt on, your sweaty..and-'' To tell you the truth, Sam doesn't want him to put a shirt on. This was the first time she actually thought Bif was...hot.
''Oh, sorry want me to put something on? I just finished punching these-''
''No, please go right ahead. Continue with your...your...shirtless..ness.'' The prep smiles, secretly wanting to melt to the floor, A guy like Bif...with no shirt on in front of Sammy made her blush, and she hated herself for that alittle. A prep like Sam, blushing? Over a boy!?
This guy was in good shape,and his face. It wasn't so roundish and kiddish anymore, it was shaped, it had bone cheeks and...sideburns. Sam never realized that.
Okay, play it cool. This is your friend, you knew him since you were ten fucking years old...nothing changed...don't fucking faint. He just has his shirt off, He's not naked and touching himself...oh god.. that was funny. The girl began to smile and chuckle a little bigger and louder. The thought of Bif naked and touching himself, made her laugh because, well it's Bif, naked and touching himself. It's funny to her.
Her laugh, made Bif laugh. He never knew why. It was just so hysterical and funny.
''What!?'' He asked as he moved her chin up, Sam feels a little nervous from that, so she puts him arm back to his side, continuing to smile again.
Why am I so nervous! This is Bif...your best fucking friend..seriously, Sam go back to yourself.
''Uh, thinking about a movie...you wanna get somethin to eat..or..ya know.''
''Sure, but first, let me put something else on and shower up. I smell like I've been touching myself all day.''
NO, NO, NO. HE DID NOT JUST SAT THAT, TOUCHING HIMSELF....HOW THE FUCK IS THAT A SMELL! I WILL NOT LAUGH, I WILL NOT-
''HAHAH!'' Sammy falls to the ground laughing loud as she could be, the kiddish girl couldn't even breath how funny this is to her.
(Jeez, to long, but how is it. Just used some skillz from the great M e m a i and *British accent* Professorpinapple! And let mah know if It's good,need more practicing, you know what I'm talking about. = )
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