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Post by Bubonic Plague on Mar 22, 2012 22:32:01 GMT -5
Mikhaila noticed a tan girl with dark pigtails standing afar. She was was saying something, but Mikhaila couldn't understand her. She could see that her smile was somewhat bright, but Mikhaila had an un-easy feeling about her expression. Mikhaila was only taught a bit of basic words as well as a few curse and slang terms by Juri.
Without knowing what Amy was saying, she opened her mouth and said in English, "What the shit?!"
Amy's lips dropped into a frown, Luis's brows furrowed, and Juri only glanced at her, palming his face.
((Small starter for you Professor...))
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Post by professorpineapple on Mar 22, 2012 22:36:42 GMT -5
((Not bad, but there's a lot you can expand on. Of course, not every post has to be half a page long, but try not to skimp on the details. How, exactly, did Mikhaila feel uneasy about Amy's smile? Could she sense the fakeness in her tone of voice? Had she been condescended in that manner in the past?))
Amy's fake smile dropped, her mouth agape. She and Luis exchanged incredulous looks, and for a moment, no one spoke. Juri peered up from his hand, threw her a weak, hopeless kind of smile. The two footballers seemed to be waiting to see what Amy would do - sweet as she may have been on the outside, Amy's rougher side was no secret among the Jocks.
After what felt like forever, Amy cracked a crooked smile, and forced out a laugh. She shook her head, then turned to the Russian girl with wide, almost manic eyes. "Excuse me?" the false sweetness had a sharp edge to it now. " 's there something wrong with you? They let you out of the asylum too early?"
She stepped forward, and both boys had seen enough catfights to see where this was headed. Luis cracked a smile, looked on in anticipation. But Juri stepped between them, laid a big hand on Amy's shoulder.
"She is new," he said quickly. "Her English is not so good yet. She doesn't know what she says - don't get angry, dorogoĭ."
The word defused the cheerleader's temper instantly, just as Juri knew it would. Her face slackened once more, and another tense, awkward pause fell over them.
Amy's face flushed at the realization. She'd just made herself look like a total jerk because of some stupid language barrier. Did anyone else know about this girl, she wondered? Was she the only one out of the loop? The Mexican girl stiffened, tried to compose herself. The blush that spread across her face was too noticeable to hide, and so she coyly reached up and laid her hand over Juri's, played it off as though he was the reason for her rosy cheeks.
"Oh? You don't say?" her cheerful smile was back on her face, such an abrupt change that the onlooking Luis felt a chill. "In that case, why don't we help her? Look passed this little misunderstanding, okay? Remember what a good tutor I was with you, babe?"
She actually hadn't been a very good tutor. On the three occassions when she'd offered to teach him English, it'd ended with her becoming exhasperated at the boy, then letting him stick his tongue down her throat in the jocks' clubhouse. Still, Juri knew that getting on the bad side of a Bullworth cheerleader was never a good idea, especially for a girl. Mikhaila had enough to deal with already, with the way she struggled with the language and these people.
"Er, yes, yes," Juri said.
Mikhaila gave him a questioning look, and he explained to her, in Russian, "This is my, um, friend, Amy. She's going to help teach you English. Don't bother arguing, trust me."
Amy breathed a soundless sigh of relief, and found herself unconsciously squeezing her fingers around Juri's. She hoped she'd been able to save enough face this time - the last thing she needed was people thinking she was some kind of heartless bitch, who yelled at foreign exchange students. A nasty rep like that would be the worst.
((SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG ARGSAJHGJ. And also this post is kind of BSing. I didn't wanna hijack Mikhaila, since I'm not sure what her personality is like just yet. Critique what you think necessary~))
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Post by Bubonic Plague on Mar 22, 2012 22:38:02 GMT -5
(( Keep going, I'm trying to interact with Amy right now
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Post by professorpineapple on Mar 22, 2012 23:18:05 GMT -5
((Edited my post! Also, question; have you read any of the main RP threads, or just the ones in the Swimming Lessons? Because I just realized, the 1x1 threads in the Swimming Lessons are more cracky romance-oriented than in the main RPs. It's a good idea to poke through all of them, at least the first few pages.))
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Post by Bubonic Plague on Mar 22, 2012 23:26:16 GMT -5
(( I read all of the Swimming Lesson ones, and a bit of the normal RP ones. I thought the regular ones had more Romance.))
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Post by Bubonic Plague on Mar 22, 2012 23:57:56 GMT -5
Mikhaila listened to Juri, and then turned to Amy with a sheepish smile.
"Amy!" She said aloud.
Mikhaila was trying to learn an female English name for the first time. Perhaps she could become friends with this girl if she learned how to start a conversation. There wasn't much for her to say right now. It was only one simple word, but it was a start.
"Amy," Mikhaila repeated again.
A wide smile was spreading across her face. Mikhaila felt joyous growing familiar with the foreign girl.
She then began chanting, "Amy, Amy, Amy..."
Mikhaila's smile lessened as she saw Luis. He seemed just as suspicious as Amy. Her mind was telling her that all was wrong after he had said something sharp to her. However, Mikhaila felt that Amy could not really be a bad person. As for Amy teaching Mikhaila how to speak English, she didn't know how to react.
Mikhaila spoke to Juri in Russian again,"Aren't you suppose to be teaching me English? You know that Dr. Crabblesnitch told us that."
She stiffened as Amy was holding Juri's hand. Her smile faded. Juri had a lover already, and it was making her heart sink deep into her chest cavity.
I have to stay strong. I cannot let this devour my spirits as I'm here. Just because Juri has a lover doesn't mean anything to me. You can overcome the temptations, Mikhaila.
Mikhaila grew rigid where she was sitting for a few seconds, but then she sat up straight and put her hands in her lap. She was ready for whatever challenge awaited her. Whether it be torturing to watch the one she liked be with someone else, or Amy teaching her English, she would have to face it. Apathy spiralled into her system, hardening her true thoughts on Juri. There was no more excitement for learning new things. It was now serious. This wasn't a game to be played. Mikhaila's teachers were expecting her to know more than 100 words of English within a week. She could not waste time dawdling with American children in her own fantasy world. This was harsh life for her, and she must live up to it.
"Amy." Mikhaila's voice was monotonous and dead.
Juri could tell by the tone of her voice that she was unhappy for some reason. Amy was still clutching his hand with her white smile, pressing her cheek against Juri's. Both of the girls were acting strange, and he didn't know why. Juri broke from Amy's hand and crossed his arms. Luis was still thinking about the fact that Mikhaila failed to use correct grammar when cursing. It was all too funny to him, and he was beginning to think Mikhaila was cute when she pronounced Amy's name. It was as if Luis looked down on a playful toddler.
((I'm afraid to use your characters. I don't know if I should do that or not, I barely even know your charater at all.))
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Post by UnknownTerritory on Mar 23, 2012 6:35:10 GMT -5
((Read their profiles. Only do it if you're comfortable. It's rather rare for me to use other people's characters, I'm afraid I'll butcher them, so only do it if you're comfortable with how you handle the character))
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Post by Bubonic Plague on Mar 23, 2012 9:52:27 GMT -5
((You know, I was thinking about making a second OC, but if I were to do that, we'd have to make this finish up this story and start another one on this thread. I was thinking of making a Giantess character (Kinda like Russell, only they won't like him. But I really like playing as Mikhaila, so I'll stick to this for a while. I read Amy's profile, but I don't know how to describe her in my own words, I don't want to screw up her traits or anything.).
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Post by professorpineapple on Mar 23, 2012 11:26:06 GMT -5
((You don't have to RP other people's OCs if you don't want to, but if you ever need to "nudge" any of my OCs to get things moving, go on ahead - like, if you can't move on unless they give you a yes-or-no answer. Of course, there's a 50/50 chance Stevie would tell a lie, but Amy and Hobbes will probably give a straight answer XD Like Terr said, just RP the characters you feel comfortable with. Some require more skill than others to really "get" them the way their original creator does - Roxy is pretty easy to understand, but I don't think I could properly RP Emil. @_@
You don't have to wait until one thread is over to start another one, actually. If things were like that, this board would be a LOT slower than it is now. Of course, if you're the kind of person who can only handle one thread at a time, that's understandable, too, especially since this is your first RP board :>
There's no limit to how many OCs a person can have in a RP thread - I usually use two, myself. But since Mikhaila is so new, I'd recommend holding off on making a new OC for a while? Get a feel for this one first? The max number of OCs you're allowed on this board is 5, and most of the members with multiple OCs have waited until they felt comfortable with one before moving onto another. Even Memai, who has the most OCs on the board, had only Roxy for a good number of years, before creating Chaplin and introducing the twins. Of course, it wouldn't be against any rules if you wanted to dive into another character anyway, but I'd suggest fleshing out Mikhaila a bit more, first. It's better to have a few well thought-out characters than a full cast of two-dimensional ones.
Crits and response will come later today :> ))
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Post by Bubonic Plague on Mar 23, 2012 12:56:02 GMT -5
((QUESTION: If you were to start the next chapter or "another day" for the characters, how do you separate the dialogues from one another? What symbols are you suppose to use?))
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Post by professorpineapple on Mar 23, 2012 19:02:25 GMT -5
((It depends on where the scene break is. If you want to start the post in a new scene, just mention somewhere at the beginning that the characters are in a new place, or that time has passed. The easiest way to do this would be to start off with something like "Later that day..." If the scene changes in the middle of your post, we typically have a line with just "---" separating the last paragraph of the last scene, and the first paragraph of the next scene. I was gonna have a scene transition in my post, actually It may take a while, but I'll whip that up now.))
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Post by professorpineapple on Apr 8, 2012 12:06:55 GMT -5
((Please don't RP back to this. I plan on doing this one all to myself, but feel free to correct me on any mistakes....)) Role-playing is all about interactions with other writers, so you really can't role-play by yourself. That's called writing fanfiction. I don't know if you're not understanding all of the things we've been saying to you, or you've just chosen to ignore them for one reason or another, but if you really want to give up on role-playing, that's fine. No one's forcing you to be here. And honestly, it seems like you've been giving yourself a lot of grief over this. But this is a role-playing board, so if you don't intend to do any actual role-playing, then please don't post fanfiction here. That's considered spam, and it clogs up our boards. There are other websites for that.
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Post by Memai on Apr 8, 2012 12:28:46 GMT -5
That's it.[/b]
Is there any reason why you're here, Kras? It seems obvious that you've made little to no effort in improving (on top of lying about it too), you constantly disregard our advice, and when you DO post, all you ever write about is how tragic Juri/Mikhaila is, or how ~*~special~*~ and ~Russian~ Mikhaila is. You don't actually interact with anyone, except maybe absolutely slaughtering their character. Not to mention using other people's characters without permission. Frankly, that takes the biscuit.
And then we point your mistakes or pull you up for one reason or another (which is ridiculous, tbh), you constantly antagonize yourself and put yourself through a lot of grief. And then whine about it in public.
You don't need to stay here to validate your writing skills, or your character.
If you want to stay here, you're going to have be reasonable and open, instead of just shelling up and labeling everyone as an angry monster when they don't treat you the way you think they should.
Shape up or ship out, we're here to write an improve as writers, not circlejerk each other just for banging out a few paragraphs of sentences. You wanted critiques and we gave them to you, but we can't keep giving if all you're doing is stagnating where you are right now.
Also, stop taking everything so goddamned personally.
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Post by Bubonic Plague on Apr 8, 2012 13:05:41 GMT -5
(( I can see that I would possibly be banned right now...
And I'm not grieved by this, I'm just struggling to meet ends meet with both socializing and role playing here...
Perhaps I should leave... But I don't know, that's up to you guys...
I'm really running out of ideas on what to write to get people to roleplay and interact with my character. That's part of what I'm struggling with. I am also afraid to reply to a post and screw up again (which I don't like doing). I'll admit, I'm kind of afraid to make an interaction with another character. I'll admit, I'm making problems here. I don't know if I should stay here or not. Yes, I see that I'm not really doing so hot here.
I even thought before I came on here, that the community probably wouldn't accept my behavior and the way I write.
However I look back on all of the OCs that were created by some of my friends. PupyCat and Doomy. They too had issues, but then they gave up. I have issues, but I feel as though I shouldn't give up. I have to make this work. I need to be hard on myself. It's the only way to make me realize that it's not ok to do things in the wrong way.
And I'm sorry for cussing to much. It seems to have become major abuse.
*sigh* Where and how should I start my next post Professor? I'm really don't know what to do, but I figure you can either start that or we can just continue on with the "Bullies" thing.))
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Post by UnknownTerritory on Apr 8, 2012 13:16:48 GMT -5
((Alright I'm giving my two cents.
And I'm going to stop pussy-footing around, as Memai would call it.
You won't be banned. You haven't done anything like Nick or Sammy has, you're just being stubborn and annoying.
Stop using other people's characters. Stop all together. Stick to YOUR CHARACTER ONLY. If you want to bring in another character, like you did with Stevie, ASK the character's role player if they want to or not. This is a ROLE PLAY and if you try and make something happen that the other role player doesn't want, that's a lack of communication.
You're not even bothering to read the character profiles or the past role plays (even the shorter ones (read the shorter ones only, to get a basic idea of the damn characters)). So you're being lazy, yet you want us all to accept you with open arms? No. If you want to be a better role player, READ THE GODDAMN PROFILES. Learn about the characters instead of assuming and looking like a bitch.
We don't CARE if your posts are long. We don't CARE if you use JUST Mila. As long as they're not 1 line replies, WE DON'T CARE. Take me, AGAIN, for example. I never, ever, ever use another person's character. If you want to learn how to NOT use another character, read over MY replies.
You're being nothing but annoying, stubborn, and lazy. Frankly, we're sick of it. We're trying to help you get better and you refuse to listen and you take everything so fucking personally.
You're 15. Really, grow up. I came here when I was about 11 or 12 with a godawful character. You know what they told me? "Your character sucks and you're fucking stupid for making her". I ran away in tears. I picked myself up, grew some balls, and came back at 14 with improvements.
You're 15 years old. You're my age. I was younger than you when I was told to man the fuck up and learn to write better. We're not even MEAN to you. CiCi just turned 13 and she was more mature than you when we tried to help her fix up Kisa. She was 12 when that happened. And look at her. She's amazing. She didn't fight off the crits. She worked on improving just as I did, and she didn't get so goddamn upset over the crits either.
Seriously. You're acting like nothing by a self-pitying attention whore and we're sick of it. Either try and improve, actually TRY instead of looking for pity, or leave.
We're only trying to help you, but you seem to not want that help.))
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